F.A.T.T. Friday Afternoon Theatre Thing - můj návrh skeče do pátečního FATTu v místním studentském divadle Theaterspace

Welcome to the FATT News, my name is Kevin and I will be your anchorman for tonight.
Bremen, Germany. Chaos reigned the whole campus of Jacobs University Bremen on Tuesday and Wednesday. Apparantely without any previous warnings or announcement the SUN came from behind the clouds and started to heartlessly shine on the poor inhabitants of Jacobs campus. Many mothers are calling to our TV station asking whether their children are safe. We have our special reporter right now on the Jacobs campus, Rick do you hear me?
R: (in urgent and imperative voice, wearing sunglasses): I hear you Kevin!
K: Rick, can we tell the mothers they have nothing to worry about?
R: I am not gonna lie to you Kevin, it is MADNESS here! Some students are thoughtlessly running across the Campus green, others were found behind Nordmetall burning all of their umbrellas and raincoats and dancing around this bonfire in some kind of a ritual. The average GPA value has dropped dramatically from 2.4 to 3.8 for the cool students and from 1.2 to 1.25 for the nerds. Back to you Kevin.
K: Well this is certainly not what we were hoping for. Are there any, even the slightest positive features which you have observed.
R: Sociologically speaking, the freshmen of the ERDE major are experiencing a huge upswing in the terms of their social status. They are surrounded with other students who are eager for knowledge in the area of photovaltics. The ECE students are already trying to manufacture their own solar chargers for their Macbooks. The cactuses in some of the students' rooms started to bloom. I am not kidding! The religous groups are struggling for their time slots in the interfaith house wondering whether this is what apocalypse looks like. Only the African students seem to be ironically COOL about this. They have finally taken their winterjackets off and are enjoying a nice game on the footbal pitch. Back to you Kevin.
K: Thank you Rick, we'll keep in touch with you in case of a further development of this unique phenomenon. That is all for today, thank you for watching and see you next week.